Lateral Vs Logical
by gatehead81
Summary: Sam is so logical, Vala thinks laterally, what happens when their head's get stuck together? A series of plotless drabbles. Expect fun, misunderstandings, petty revenge, defiance and a whole lot more. Some clearly identified femslash. Ratings K to T.
1. Lateral Vs Logical, AN and Intro

LATERAL VERSES LOGICAL

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Okay so this is a bit of a break from my usual stuff, just trying it out, no harm done right...?

The title refers to the mindset of the two main characters involved Sam's mind is totally logical while Vala thinks laterally.

**Summary: Sam is so logical, Vala thinks laterally, what happens when their head's get stuck together? A series of plotless drabbles. Expect fun, misunderstandings, petty revenge, defiance and a whole lot more. Some clearly identified femslash. Various ratings K to T. Open to suggestions. S/V Friendship/Humour**

Only got a few to begin with, not sure how many will appear over all but let's just see what happens ;) Any ideas throw them at me and I'll do my best and give credit where credit is due...

The main aim is Friendship and Humour. Most of these will be fairly short, but some may be longer, who knows :)

Usual disclaimer as per profile.

Please don't expect them to make a whole lot of sense, that's not what this is about... Enjoy :)

Oh and please tell me what ya think, I know these are just silly but sometimes we all need to escape :)


	2. Crystal Clear

**AN: **SG-1 are trapped on a ship, Sam is hell bent on busting them out...

Rating K. Sam/Vala/Cam

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CRYSTAL CLEAR

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She wandered over and shoved Sam out of the way with her hip. Idly she ran her finger around the edge of the panel.

Sam realised her intentions and spoke up.

"Vala you can't just-"

"Of course I can darling." She lifted the clear crystal and shoved it into the slot. The door sprung open.

"Nice work, Vala!" stated Cam as he slapped her on the back, giving Carter a tired look on his way out.

"How did you...what did you...I mean..." Sam was stumped. She had been working on the panel for the last half hour. It had shocked her twice and even sent her flying across the room at one stage. She was _never_ touching a blue crystal again. And now Vala had just...

"Oh come _on_ Samantha, it's not that difficult really. You just stick the red crystal in the slot after removing the orange and the white, the small yellow replaces the green, not the blue...bbzzzzzz! Stick the little dinky one in here, move this from here to here and this one goes back into its original position and bang away you go."

Sam's eyes tracked over the panel trying to follow the woman's movements. "Wait a minute, you knew all this and you never said anything?"

"Well of course I knew, I used to _own_ one of these things, remember. But really darling you're never going to learn _anything _if I keep doing things for you, are you now?"

With that she was gone.

Sam was _so-o_ going to kill her when they got home!

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**AN: So that's the first one down, I think a lot of them will be quite similar...**


	3. Training Time

**AN: No intro needed. **

**Friendship/Humour. Rated K. Vala/Teal'c**

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TRAINING TIME

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Teal'c stood in the doorway of Vala's personal quarters. He did not dare enter her lair. "Vala Mal Doran. It is Colonel Carter's wish that you meet her in the training room for your mandatory workout session."

Vala looked over from the bed, her legs swinging up behind her. "Um, no."

Teal'c's eyebrow rose. "I do not believe that you have an option."

Vala swung her feet off the bed and made her way across the room. Teal'c stiffened at her approach. He always did that, she loved the fact that her unpredictability freaked out the big strong Jaffa. "I don't feel like sparring today." she stated petulantly.

"Colonel Carter has informed me that if you resist, I am to escort you personally."

"Oh really?" She advanced on the Jaffa, he took half a step back. He really didn't appreciate her efforts, things with Ish'tar were going good and he would not allow this woman to spoil that. "Teal'c?" she whispered.

"Yes Vala Mal Doran."

"If Sam wants you to take me to the training room...

You're going to have to catch me first!"

With that she took to her heels down the corridor. No _way_ she was going to go through another training session with Sam, the woman was a brutal fighter, she was still too stiff and sore from their last session.

FIN.


	4. Caught

**AN: Vala is on the run from Sam, but what has she done this time?**

**Vala/Sam. Rated K. Slight femslash inference but is supposed to be humour. Friendship/Humour.**

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CAUGHT

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Vala was hiding, this could be very, very bad for her. If Sam caught her now it would spell disaster. There were just ten more minutes till the briefing and then she would be safe…for the moment. Sam would never dare act in front of the General or in front of Cam.

Silently she slinked along the wall, if she could get to the briefing room early, Cam would be there. He was never late. Her only problem was, was that Sam had a tendency to be on time as well. If the female Colonel was already there and he wasn't, she was toast. Maybe being late would be better. She changed direction and headed for Daniel's office.

The room was empty when she arrived. The computer was off, as were the lights. _'Odd?' _Vala stepped further into the room and heard the door close behind her. _'Oh-oh!'_

"I thought you might try this tactic. That's why Daniel has already gone to the pre-briefing." Vala turned to face her doom.

Both woman stood and stared at each other for a while. Then Vala broke and bolted round the table. They chased each other round and back for a bit, all the time Vala managing to stay out of Sam's way and not break Daniel's stuff. "Now Sam, just hold on a moment, you don't need to do this. I'm sure there is something we can do to sort this out."

"Nope, _you_ are getting what is coming to you."

Vala made a break for the door but Sam was quicker and pinned her up against the wall by the light switch.

"I've got you now Vala Mal Doran."

Vala screwed up her face and closed her eyes.

She heard the door slowly opening. "Tag you're it." Sam declared, kissing her firmly on the lips and bolting from the room.

"Fine Samantha, you win this round…but I'll see you in the briefing room." She grinned as Sam froze. Kissy-tag on a military base was so much fun!

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AN: I know, I know... no way Sam would run rampant around the base whilst on duty but come on... Reviews please :)

*****NEXT TWO STORY ARE FEMSLASH. "Perfect together." and "Daniel's error."**


	5. Perfect Together

**AN: **FEMSLASH****

**This one was the original thought behind this whole thing, if ya don't like the whole girl on girl concept, don't read it...**

**Sam/Vala. Rated T. Romance/Friendship.**

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PERFECT TOGETHER

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It was amazing how two different people could fit together so perfectly. Vala's lateral mind slid across the surface of the problem while Sam's logical brain dug around in the nuts and bolts.

The conclusion was the same.

Sex was the only answer to their mutual attraction so they got to it and now Sam lay sated in Vala's arms, her curves fitting neatly in along Vala's beautiful body.

To hell with the rules.

To hell with the fact that they were still on the base and they had been anything but quiet.

To hell with the fact that the door was unlocked and she was supposed to meet Daniel ten minutes ag...oh, oh...

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AN: Next one is a follow on..."Daniel's Error."


	6. Daniel's Error

**AN: Femslash inferred.**

**Daniel/Sam. Rated K+. Humour/Friendship.**

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DANIEL'S ERROR

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Daniel flew back down along the corridor, his face burning, the images haunting him. He should have knocked, why hadn't he knocked? He frantically pressed the button to call the elevator but it was still at the bottom of the building. He looked around for somewhere to hide.

Initially he thought he would be safe in the supply closet but the door shot open flooding the small room with light. Sam stood silhouetted against the glare of the faculties lighting. It quite clearly showed off her displaced hair and the edges of her rumpled clothing.

"Daniel please, it's not what you think."

"No, no Sam it's fine. Don't ask, don't tell, right? I get it." He did not get it.

"No Daniel you don't." Sam reached in and pulled him into the hall. Her fatigues were a mess. No belt and mismatched shirt buttons. He didn't think he ever remembered her being so flustered. She looked down as his eye trailed her.

"Um, can we go back to the room and talk about this?"

"Er, no Sam I don't think that would be appropriate, do you?"

Sam grimaced a little. "Ah okay, so maybe not. But I do want to talk to you about this."

"Sure thing Sam, but later, okay?" he called as he backed away into the elevator as the doors slid open. He did not want to talk about what he'd just saw. He bumped into the two airmen that were getting out. Sam turned away before they could get a proper look at her rumpled attire. As they passed she spun round and trapped the elevator door with her hand.

Sam found herself in a dilemma, they needed to talk about how much Daniel had actually seen and she needed reassured that he wasn't going to say anything.

"Daniel, please."

"It's fine Sam." He did the whole zipping of the mouth and throwing away of the key thing. "Like I said, later." He needed time to process.

Sam hesitated.

"Don't you think you should get back before Vala breaks one of those…er…toys you had lying around?"

Sam's face filled with colour and she let the doors go. He had seen _way_ too much.

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AN: So that's it for the moment, watch this space... got an idea or two but far from concrete and this is such a naughty procrastinating technique that I doubt I'll allow myself free reign all that often but I hope you are enjoying them and like I said at the beginning, all ideas welcome :)


	7. Down The Aisle

**Humour/Friendship **

**Sam/Vala/Jack/Daniel/Teal'c/Cam **

**Rated K**

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DOWN THE AISLE

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Carter turned and looked down along the aisle. At the other end Jack stood with Daniel at his side. Just at that moment he looked up and smiled at her. As always she felt a little flutter inside. This was a day she had been looking forward to for a while. Teal'c and Cam were nearby too, she knew it but at the moment she couldn't see them. She was too busy watching Daniel lean in and whisper something into Jack's ear. She watched the General's grin widen and he turned more fully to face her still talking to Daniel. Vala flitted impatiently at her side and so she stepped forth. One foot in front of the other and her unexpectedly found best friend fell into step behind her.

Slowly she made her way forward, there was no big rush. She wanted to take her time. After all this was all about enjoying the moment and the next few days in the best company in the universe. The bright colours on either side of the aisle distracted her and she looked about, smiling at what she could see. It was amazing how such simple things could elicit such joy. Then her focus returned to the object of her desire and she looked longingly across the shortening distance between her and...

She was flying forward Vala's foot had caught her heel and she couldn't stop herself. Both her hands remained full as she shot out of control and stupidly she didn't let go. She hurtled towards her final destination and closed her eyes just as the loaded cart clipped the edge of the display unit. A loud crash preceded the stunned silence and cautiously she opened her eyes.

Every person in the local mart was staring at her as she sat amongst the packets of blue and red Jell-o and the chocolate covered desserts.

"Vala!" she yelled, more than a little upset. "Why can't you watch where you are going?"

"Yeah Mal Doran!" chided Jack as he approached and helped her back to her feet. "I want my favourite Colonel to make it to the cabin in one piece this time."

Last time they had all tried to get away like this the Ori had came along and shot holes in her side and so the trip had been postponed.

"Ah, favourite Colonel?"

"Oh suck it up Mitchell." Jack told him with a ridiculously overplayed frown.

Vala was bouncing back and forward from one foot to the other. "I'm so sorry Sam. I guess I didn't notice you stopping I was too busy checking out Daniel."

"Ah, I'm sorry what?" The archaeologist looked worried then he jumped as a voice spoke in his ear.

"Be afraid Daniel Jackson. Be very afraid." rumbled the large Jaffa who had snuck up behind him.

Sam started to laugh. This was going to be a great weekend!

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**AN: So how do you like that then :P**


	8. Tactical Attack

**AN: Been a while since anything semi coherent popped into my head for this one but now something has... enjoy :)**

**All the guys in this one on a lazy and somewhat rather rare these days team day at Jack's place. Rated K, friendship/humour**

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TACTICAL ATTACK

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It was a joint mission both Sam and Vala had discussed and agree on every single detail right down to the very fact that they had exactly forty-four seconds to complete their task. The exit strategy had been the trickiest part. Even if they were successful they would still have to run, and run dang fast. Vala reckoned Daniel was the safest point of rescue, Sam knew it was the General and so even on that they had agreed, splitting up made more sense anyhow.

And so here they were eyeing their target across the yard. Vala blew out a breath and looked at Sam.

"You ready?" the blonde asked.

"As I'll ever be, Samantha." They both grinned widely. "Let's do this."

Sam looked at her watch and counted her in. "Three, two, one...go!"

Vala set off across the yard at a slower place than Sam would have liked but she had to play it cool. That was why she was doing the first part, Sam would never be able to carry it off. It was also how she ended up being the one who was taking all the risk. She closed her eyes and channelled the newest training that she had received. To carry this off she would need to be as silent as the only night star visible in the autumn sky.

oOo

Vala ran a seductive finger across a set of muscley shoulders, enjoying the feel of their tight rippled effect. "Vala Mal Doran." spoke the Jaffa in deep sultry tones.

"Teal'c." she acknowledged. "Can you show me once again how it is that you achieved such absolute perfection at the task of juggling?"

A single eyebrow arched and for a moment Vala thought she was busted. But after another six seconds Teal'c bowed and glanced around for the items in question. He made to move across the yard. "No, no, I'll get them." Someone had moved the stupid clubs, that hadn't been in the plan. Vala felt a sheen of sweat flow over her as she scooted off and picked up the bag by the wall. As she returned she could see Sam rooted to the spot, terrified that Teal'c would turn around. Vala sighed as she skipped back across the yard looking ten times more casual than she felt. Sam was going to blow this if she didn't relax. Quickly she avoided her eye as the Jaffa's scrutiny fell on her again.

"Ta da! Here you go Muscles, entertain me!" Teal'c grinned his cat-like grin. Sam had been correct, there was a lot more ego than she had first thought in the wise, sedate Jaffa.

Vala cheered and fawned as first one club then another rose up into the air. She clapped her hands knowing that now was the time to act, the clock was already at thirty-seven. Sam was in position. She took half a step forward and pretended to trip over her own feet.

Teal'c's eyes went wide as he lost control of the situation. It was impossible for him to maintain his airborne clubs and catch the incoming Mal Doran.

Just as he reached forward Sam spun at full speed and swept his legs out from under him. She grimaced as he hit Jack O'Neill's backyard with a face down thud.

"Quick Sam!" yelled Vala and she sprung back into action. Both women pounced on their large friend and began tickling him with all of their might. Initially he struggled but soon gave way to uncontrolled, loud Jaffa laughter. The sound brought the confused heads of the rest of SG-1 into view. Cam and Daniel popped round the corner of the garage and the General appeared on the back porch.

Still the Jaffa rumbled loudly, his vibration rattling through Sam's whole body where she straddled his back. She couldn't help it, her own almost machine gun like laughter rang out across the yard, quickly followed by Vala's manic giggling. They were winning, they were actually winning!

"So Teal'c." crowed Sam. "What's the name of the game?"

"Ne-never." he forced out and tried to get his hands under him.

"Vala don't let him do that!" Sam squawked as he began to gain purchase.

Panicking Vala grabbed him by his two large hands and fell backwards onto the ground hoping to dislodge his grip. The manoeuvre was so largely ineffective that Sam lost concentration and slowed at her task. It was to be the moment of her undoing as Teal'c tossed her off.

She scrambled to her feet knowing that she had grass stains on her favourite jeans. Not that she had time to worry about that at the moment. Teal'c just seemed to get bigger and bigger as he stretched up from the ground. Vala was up too.

"Run!" yelled Sam and took to her heels. She headed straight for the porch and Jack's features fell. "No, no don't come over here." he held his hands out in a defensive gesture.

"Sorry Sir." Sam called as she ducked in behind him and hanging onto him peeped out to see where the danger was. Luckily Teal'c was chasing Vala round in circles, the lone tree in the yard slowing his progress.

Daniel and Cam had completely disappeared leaving her completely defenceless. "Aaaarrrgggg!" she yelled as the muscley monster reached for her. "Somebody help me!" she pleaded desperately as she made yet another circuit.

"This way Vala." called Daniel who had suddenly reappeared. Vala bolted for him, an ear piercing screech following in her wake. Teal'c changed tack and veered after her, he was gaining.

"Run Vala!" yelled an overexcited Sam making Jack jump. She was almost there.

Just as she reached the corner both Daniel and Cam double tackled their big friend. Daniel went flying and Cam's boots took chunks out of the lawn before he ricocheted off and staggered back a bit. They looked like they had just run into a brick wall but it had the desired effect Teal'c had been halted. Yelling Cameron threw himself at the Jaffa, quickly followed by a recovered Daniel. Vala joined the fray and Jack and Sam's jaws dropped as somehow the great hulk of a being stayed on his feet.

"Come on!" sang Jack and took Sam by the hand as they crossed the yard.

It took all four of them to subdue their might friend and they all cheered when finally under their relentless fingers the mighty Jaffa cried "Mercy!"

It just went to show that alone a task could seem insurmountable but when SG-1 all pulled together nothing was impossible.

End.

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**AN: Thanks to ****Ayeshajen** **for the idea :)**


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